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My wife I suspect has been putting glue on my gun collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.

Why did the chicken cross the soccer pitch? It heard the ref was blowing fouls.

I accidentally swallowed a bottle of invisible ink, I'm currently waiting in the hospital to be seen.

Yesterday I couldn't figure out if someone was waving at me or the person behind me. Later on that day I also lost my job as a lifeguard.

What's the difference between a golf ball and the G spot? A man will look for a golf ball.

Just read this below:

I lost my wife and kids all due to gambling. I won the lottery and moved to the Bahamas.

I asked my wife what she would like for her birthday and she said nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace. So I bought her nothing!

Reimis Smith is off contract and plays wing/centre, it appears Storm may have a battle with Roosters to keep him. He is a solid player.

I bought a large Christmas tree today and the guy asked me whether I was going to put it up myself, I replied no I will probably put it up in the living room.

Check under Shane Richardson thread.

Yesterday I read an article of the dangers of drinking too much and it scared the hell out of me. So I decided then and there never to read that article again.

Small crowd today. Not alot of Tigers supporters here. Predicted rain later maybe a factor in supporters staying away today

My wife worships me, she puts burnt offerings in front of me every night.

I'd love to get paid to sleep. That would be my dream job.

My wife apologised to me for the first time today after 30 years of marriage. She said she was sorry she ever met me!

I got home to find that my kids had been on Ebay all day. If they are still on it tomorrow then I will lower the price.

I was scared to tell my wife after breakfast to clean up. I was walking on eggshells all day.

Doggies as usual sniffing around.

I hired a handyman yesterday and gave him a todo list of 8 jobs to do around my home. When I got back home later in the day he had only done tasks 1, 3, 5 and 7. I found out he only does odd jobs.